9:05 PM - Wednesday, May. 20, 2015
Decision making time
So update time. As of April 20th I had a beautiful baby boy who I named Andrew. He is a little tryant but I love him. He was very early, he was not due until May 11th, so i was very unprepared for just about anything to do with a baby.

I'm still pretty unprepared. I know I have had a baby already but its feels like a different experience. Its weird but Andrew is just so different from Daniel. He is my little milk monster. i mean when they said i would need to feed him every two hours this little man took that to heart so i am up most of the night just making sure the little booger burped before he is ready for more.

So yeah its a new experience having the husband here too. Although I wish it was more a happy experience its not. My husband is still the same self-absorbed jackass he has been. He is still working on himself but not really showing any change.

So I told myself I need to sit down and really figure out WHY I'm still with him. I need to do some serious list making. I have soul searched enough. I have pretty much been punishing myself for no reason. I kept thinking maybe I havent really been treating him right, I havent shared my feelings, I havebeen too confusing in what i want out of our relationship, I havent been more understanding, or I been too distant. All of that is complete and utter bullshit I have been telling myself and I didnt know why.

So I need to just get my shit together and make my decision

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