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12:57 AM - Friday, Sept. 21, 2018 The ex who will now forever be called Wayne since the name he wanted me to call him was never his real first name. I figured that's the best way for me to remember the charlatan that he is at all times is to call him the name he truly hates other then bastard and bitch. He moved back to his home state and got him a girlfriend. Don't worry there is no jealousy here. I told him I was more interested in working on me then getting with someone at the time but he swore up and down he would never find anyone else since he was hung up on me only for me to (not surprisingly) find out he lied and had been dating the "love of his life" long distance for 3 months or more before he left Texas. Funny thing is during this time I was still being told I was the love of his life. I told him he was the only one who believed his lie so finding out about the real love was no surprise. But it did hurt because yet again he showed me I was an idiot to even listen one and two it reinforced the feeling that I will never be good enough. I'm good enough to hang on to until the next chick comes around. I'm also good enough to fuck but actually caring about me is not worth the effort. I'm trying to fight those thoughts and feelings of unworthiness because I do have two kids that need me to be better about how I think of myself but right now I'm too tired to fight it. Plus its come to the point I feel like its never gonna change.
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