2:10 PM - Saturday, Nov. 23, 2013
3yrs of Depression?
I figure I have been in a state of mild depression for three years. I question it since I been functioning pretty well I mean I have had to. I had a child to take care and a relationship to repair and then we lost our hose so I had to help my parents and make sure my kid was ok then I had to make sure that in some form or another my husband could see our son then I had to make sure I kept my job and continue to not break down or freak out when there was another bill and I had no idea how to pay it.

Right now my life feels like it�s in the same endless pattern. Taking care of my son taking care of my parents, taking care of my husband going to work coming home trying to sleep going to get my nieces and nephew going back to work. Even on my days off I don�t have a day off. It understandable since I have to take care of my son.

But in my head I feel like I�m screaming inside. I�m so tired all the time. Everything is so heavy and I�m scared one day I wont be able to keep up. One day it will be too much and I�m afraid I will just stop trying. I will stop trying and everyone that depends on me will be hurt. Even thinking like that scares me because my son needs me to stay strong to keep trying but these last 3 or 4 years have been so damn hard.

I WANT to give up I WANT to just stop trying.

This the closest I have ever been to wanting to give up on life. Not in the since of suicide just not wanting to live anymore. I just want to retreat from everything my job my family my friends. In my head I�m just barely getting by.

I�m fighting though with everything I can because my son has such a goofy laugh and sings everything and he needs me.

I�m broken inside right now but I wont stay that way. I figure I just have not dealt with anything because I have tried so hard to keep going so all the shit I have been thru in the past few years or at least the emotions of it is catching up with me. Doesn�t help they are worse because its that time of the month but they are there all the same.

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