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1:24 a.m. - 2001-08-07 The hell if I know who I am..........I have been trying to "find" myself for years. I been trying to figure out what makes me tick what makes me me and just found alot of shit that I got from other people. Mannerisms,smiles,opinions........I always thought of myself as someone original but I'm not I never really have been thats why I'm always trying to "find" myself. I hate to think I'm a "follower" but I guess I am. I hate thinking that but oh well when you accept things the faster you get tired of them and find new ones to mimic. I hate to see people suffer........I hate when people go thru things that hurt them so bad that they feel they need to die. I know one person like that and it hurts to think she just might succeed in hurting herself becuz of what she has gone thru. So much has happened to her but she doesn't hate anyone but herself and she is so smart and nice and funny as hell. She keeps it all in thinking that she deserves the things that are happening to her. She doesn't and she knows it but she doesn't believe it. *sigh* and there are so many people out there like her who are so cool and don't really hate the people who has hurt them so deeply......... I hate....... I have such hatred in my heart for people who have hurt me. I can't seem to let my anger go becuz as much as it would be nice to be rid of it I'm scared of it too. I have thought of suicide before but the things you have to go thru to kill yourself is just way too painful and I don't like pain. So I figure out at a very young age that I had to find something to hang on to and it was anger so I keep it and I let build and sit for a very long time. Now I can't get rid of it.
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